wait what

Hey, I'm Maggie.

unclefather:

"Stocks are going down, Mark. I’m not ready for this company to go under"

unclefather:

"Stocks are going down, Mark. I’m not ready for this company to go under"

(via fake-mermaid)

— 2 hours ago with 145118 notes

how do i stop growing up this isn’t fun anymore

(via fake-mermaid)

— 2 hours ago with 378112 notes

captainarlert:

I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do know who’s gonna be my favorite character from like, two seconds of screen time. 

(via widow-romanoff)

— 2 hours ago with 26983 notes

shouldnt:

We’ve officially reached that annoying time of year where it’s sweater weather in the morning, but by midday you die from a heatstroke.

(via forever-and-alwayss)

— 21 hours ago with 116581 notes
person:wow you drink so much water, you're so healthy!!
me:i cry so much i gotta stay hydrated
— 21 hours ago with 137491 notes

sitcorn:

hey remember that law i forget exactly how it goes but its something along the lines of ‘if you murder someone you go to jail’ whatever happened to that? is that still a thing

(via fake-mermaid)

— 1 day ago with 180682 notes

gnarly:

"you’ve changed." "I know, I’m a transformer." 

(via breakinq)

— 1 day ago with 109645 notes

komaedazzle:

i found this on my computer. WHEN IN THE LIVING FUCK DID I MAKE THIS?!

(via seductressss)

— 1 day ago with 164043 notes
My anaconda don’t want none

matthewsagan:

because it ate last month and snakes don’t need to be fed very often since they use external environmental heat sources to regulate their body temperature and can therefore survive on far fewer calories than warm-blooded animals

(Source: matthewsagan, via mugglehumour)

— 1 day ago with 8325 notes

o-dawgtheinvincible:

sigmarikz:

certaflyably:

thirstingaintdead:

Top 3 phrases that’ll create sexual tension

  1. "Make me",
  2. "oh really",
  3. "is that so"

"prove it"

"What’s in it for me?"

"The Black Death was one of the most devastating pandemics in human history, resulting in the deaths of an estimated 75 to 200 million people and peaking in Europe in the years 1348–50 CE."

(via mugglehumour)

— 1 day ago with 1096791 notes
vicvondoombwhahaha:

You can’t convince me this raccoon isn’t elegantly playing the deepest sonata you’ll ever hear on a avant garde harp

vicvondoombwhahaha:

You can’t convince me this raccoon isn’t elegantly playing the deepest sonata you’ll ever hear on a avant garde harp

(Source: howdyhannaa, via mugglehumour)

— 1 day ago with 118272 notes